Denim Jeans: Rant Mode = ON

I'm currently in a state of Japanese denim analysis paralysis. More specifically, I am looking to purchase a new pair of blue jeans because I'm somewhat over my Roy RN04 jeans (relevant post is here). I still love the workmanship, attention to detail, and overall coolness of the Roy jeans, but have concluded with 94% certainty that the "narrow" fit is not for me. Indeed, I've determined that the inventor of skinny jeans (for men) should be imprisoned. For life. Moreover, the inventor of low rise jeans (for men) should face a firing squad. Although the RN04 jeans are not overly "skinny" or extremely "low rise" per se, they can be uncomfortable and <ahem> constricting at times.

My rant continues after the jump: [Edit: jumps are silly; removed it]

Thus, I have a love/hate relationship with my Roy jeans. I am running out of patience and don't know if I'll to continue to wear them, especially when I know that there are many other options available these days. It's a shame because they are finally beginning to show some character and fading (caused by office chair abrasion, walking to the mailbox every other day, and daily car driving activity). If anyone wants to buy a used pair of RN04 jeans (tagged size 31), let me know.

Getting back to the analysis paralysis . . . I talked myself into believing that I really need a pair of Momotaro jeans (made in Japan by a Japanese company). They come in different models, fit profiles, and denim types, so it was somewhat easy to find a good candidate. I'm talking about the Momotaro 1005SP "Going to Battle" model. These are supposed to be a somewhat straight leg cut with a medium rise, so they ought to fit me better than the Roy jeans. So, step two in the acquisition process is to find a seller that has my size in stock. This is where the WTFs and LOLs come into play.

First, the 1005SP jeans are sanforized one-wash jeans. "Sanforized" supposedly means that the denim has been treated by the process patented by Sanford Cluett (not kidding), such that the denim will not shrink in the wash. "One-wash" means that the jeans or the denim fabric has already been washed, soaked, or rinsed. Momotaro takes this one-wash concept into the realm of ridiculousness by claiming that the 1005SP jeans have been rinsed in the ocean water off the shore of Okayama, Japan (there must be a market for salty, fishy smelling pants). Theoretically, sanforized one-wash jeans should be easier to purchase because one need not worry about any shrink-to-fit adjustments. This theory led to the following extended conversation with myself:

"This is great. I'll just find a size 31 online somewhere and make an impulse purchase."

"Hmm. I can't find any U.S. based sellers. No worries, I'll just find buy them direct from Japan. See, there are several online vendors based in Japan, and they all have size 31 in stock. They even have exact measurements published so that I can be sure of the sizing."

"Wait a minute, Vendor 1 says that size 31 actually measures 33.5 inches in the waist, Vendor 2 says that size 31 measures 31 inches in the waist, and Vendor 3 says that size 31 measures 84 centimeters in the waist (damn Metric system). Another seller notes that the waist may stretch up to one inch after wearing the jeans for awhile. Yet another vendor states that the jeans may shrink a little bit in the washer/dryer because the ocean water in Okayama is really chilly and, therefore, the one-wash treatment doesn't really get all of the shrinkage out of the jeans."

At this point, I'm almost certain that I'll just have to pick a size 30, 31, or 32, and roll the dice with the knowledge that I may have to return the jeans all the way back to the Japan. Meh, what a hassle. I probably should just pick up the size 31 as originally planned. Or should I? Maybe I should just scrap the whole idea and buy another fountain pen or another knife instead.

I will end this post with some awesome machine translations that I found while browsing the Rakuten website. I found several online sellers of the 1005SP jeans on Rakuten, and they all have very elegant and thoughtful descriptions of the jeans. I'm ready to hit the "BUY" button based on these translated product descriptions alone:

"The innocence of the core can enjoy the intense hit of the drop of the light and shade even if I say because I keep it."

"Watch pocket with the pink ear; Button fried food; Sheep leather foil push patch."

"Arranged Japan Line reflecting the image of a flag flag when Momotaro went to the front of ogre extermination for a right background pocket; taking the field buttocks."

"Thus, I can taste an omission brought on long."

You know, on second thought, I think I'll just keep my Roy RN04 jeans for awhile. All of this is just too silly.